Most of the Pakistani fathers don’t know about fatherhood. It is like a manufacturing fault because in this society, girls have usually been expected and trained to be good wives, moms and daughter-in-laws, but for boys, the main focus has been on earning and education-for-earning. In a society, where family is still priority, and wives prefer to sit at home to take good care of kids and other family members, usually men are responsible for the money providing for all the needs of the household. So, the attitude towards boys makes sense.
However, still they have time to spend with their family members as parents, siblings, wives and kids according to their priorities and availability of time amount. Here, no matter what, they have some time to spend with their kids. Various kinds of attitudes are seen here.
Full Time Busy Fathers
Some dads are sleeping in the morning when their kids leave for school. And, when the fathers return home late at night, their kids are asleep. They are proud that they provide for their families enough regardless of their absence from home. Here, if moms are conscious, well aware on the situation, educated and responsible, they try to take the charge and play roles of both the parents. But many times, their loneliness in the marriage frustrates them and they cannot concentrate on their duties towards kids. Sometimes, their resentment and rebel in reaction to their absent spouses, provoke them not to compensate for the dads of their kids. In whatever case, it is harmful for the child and his training for the life to come.
Fathers Available on Weekends
Some sensible and responsible dads make up for their week days’ absence on the weekends. They play, go out, and shop with their kids. Some of them take with them to mosques for prayers or help them with their home works.
Some fathers stay abroad all their lives while keeping their children in Pakistan, which is a worst case. In fact, they build their own lives abroad including hidden marriages and relationships to fulfill their physical and emotional needs. They pay for their kids from there. This situation throws all the responsibility of child care and grooming on the lonely moms. Here, mothers many times get into extra-marital relationships, depression out of loneliness, or feel overburdened with the family responsibilities. So, they take care of their kids with a distracted mind which results in negligence. It allows the child suffer and spoil.
Fathers Available Around
Some dads are available in the evening or morning or on both hours on daily basis. Some of them like to share their family responsibilities with their wives. They participate in child care as well. They get involved in the everyday matters of their kids; they play, talk to them frequently, help with their studies, go to their schools events, shop for them, and, in other words, play a vital role in the upbringing of their children. They have sense of responsibility and dreams for their kids.
Contrarily, some dads love to spend this time in their own ways, away from their families, as spending time on computers, TV, books, with friends and relatives, going out, games, physical workouts and all that. They don’t enjoy spending time sharing household responsibilities or kids’ care. So, they are not at home, while being at home. They think child responsibility is only a moms’ department.
Some dads are interested only in having a fun time with their kids. They play together, watch wrestling or sports on TV, go to fun-lands for kids, dine out, shop or so. But they don’t feel like participating in serious matters as the personal grooming, education or health of their kids. They win over the hearts of their kids as an adorable dad. Poor moms are there as Villains, who are always there to discipline them, make them do their home works, and teach them dos and don’ts. Furthermore, from kids’ point of view, mom is the bad person who is responsible for all the boring and hard time as discipline, morals, grooming and education.
Many times, they encourage the child going against the discipline of their moms. Moms feel helpless or they surrender quickly to see the situation. It communicates to the child that moms are valueless and it is not important to listen to them.
Some dads are very dominating; they dominate everyone in life including their kids. If they are too strict, they become a scary figure at home and when moms get helpless in front of their kids, they use that weapon by saying, “let your dad come, I will tell him about your bad behavior, declining grades at school or mischiefs…”
Contrarily, some dominating are loving and want to see their kids dominant like them. So, they encourage the kids against everyone including their moms. They criticize their wives openly for their roles as mothers and wives, and, teach the child that only dad is RIGHT. They comfort the child by fulfilling all his wishes by saying, “Don’t say my child No. I want to give him the world.” It is another wrong attitude that hinders in teaching the child following the discipline of right and wrong and healthy and harmful. Consequently, the parenting style doesn’t let the child grow as a disciplined, well-groomed, well-rounded, democratic, emphatic, family-oriented and caring individual (unless and until mom plays her positive role very effectively). Here, the worst thing comes along is children don’t learn to respect ladies because they have seen their moms worthless from their dads’ attitudes and point of views. This attitude ruins their lives when they enter into relationships with girls as adults.
Some fathers take the charge of all the parenthood while viewing their wives inapt for the role. Many times, moms are not educated, groomed and active enough to raise their kids well. So, the dads have to be very active in supervising their kids. They help their kids in every possible matter and support them grow as positive minded and successful individuals. They earn true respect from their kids in the short and long term.
The couples who have chemistry in their relationships, tend to become better parents. Most likely, here both parents discuss the matters of their kids. They think similarly about life and how to raise the kids, what to contribute to their lives and how to see them in future. Here, fathers are also very active and concerned for their children. Both the parents substitute their roles in the absence of each other. For example, if one is absent for a while for any reason, the other one plays the role to keep the routines and discipline of the kids in order. They don’t contradict each other; if one says No, the other one will not say YES to kids. It is a strong environment that helps the child get groomed and disciplined for his life. However, if parents are very conservative, too strict, or negative minded, it may harm the child a lot. Many times, it makes him rebel.
Sometimes, these kinds of parents don’t substitute for each other but complement; they divide their responsibilities; if mom is responsible for health and daily discipline, shopping, pick and drop for school etc., the dad takes the responsibility of studies, mosque, intellectual matters, socializing, etc.
Question to Dads
Is fatherhood about paying for the child or much more than this? Is it about satisfying their egos by winning over their kids through demeaning their wives and favoring their kids? Is fatherhood only about cherishing a fun time? Or, is fatherhood about developing a well-rounded, educated, successful and nice human being?
Question to Parents
Can a chemistry-less relationship between spouses make a happy and healthy marriage that can benefit their kids? Without a happy and compatible relationship, should a couple opt for kids or review their relation?